I am the kind of person who elicits strong feelings from people. Some people instantly dislike me. Others are very drawn to me. What weirds me out more than anything are people who are neutral; they interest me more than people who dislike me. Where this plays out more than anything is when I am interviewing job candidates. Some people cancel their phone screening after we talk on the phone; you can tell I've turned them off. Others call incessantly and plead that they'd love to work with me.
Some of the strongest friendships I've had derived from people who instantly didn't like me. I have this co-worker who literally made my life Hell when I started. He was just catty and totally trying to undermine me. After being thoroughly hazed, he decided that I grew on him like a fine wine (which he literally said tonight). Now we are all good. One interesting element of this is that his reaction towards me totally shaped my reaction toward him. I mean, I never tried to screw him over, but now that he's been nice to me, I totally see him differently and somehow forget how he mistreated me for such a long time.
One of my favorite co-workers left today after 14 years at the university where I work - a wonderful Republican hunter who took me to the Urgent Care center when I sprained my ankle, drove me home when I was still hobbling, and bought me coffee and donuts after my dad passed away. Today, when his work was done (after a pleasant lunch) he slipped out discretely without saying goodbye. I am sure that he is really sad and this is a huge transition. There was some controversy over the way that he left, however, I completely understand. I hate the fake pleasantries of a work "goodbye." Leaving work is almost like breaking up with the attendant pride/vulnerability quotient. Think about it; how often do former colleagues actually stop by to visit? Work friendships are real but are rooted in work. It is a rare exception that they ripen into something that is sustainable beyond work because the one who leaves (generally) inherently feels superior in some life choice that they've made.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Crazy Japanese Komodo Dragon Game
This is a prime example of Japanese humor that I cannot get over. In this game, young women put their heads through a hole waiting for a vicious komodo dragon to attack them. Whoever keeps their head through the hole the longest wins. Move over Fear Factor; what transpires can only be analogized to Armageddon.
Colors
Does it ever drive you crazy to think about how few colors there are? I mean there are variations/modified versions of colors like powder blue and kelly green, but basically there are like 10 colors. Sometimes I try to envision what another color would look like, other than those that exist, and it makes my head spin. It just feels so constraining, as if the Earth were encrusted in glass.
This glass reference reminds me of a dream I had when I was a high school freshman. I was in a huge drinking glass filled with water and the water slowly drained out. Then, I was stuck at the bottom of the glass with no way out. Screaming. I am not sure if there was some metaphor or if that was around the time that that girl was stuck in that well. There haven't been any good kid-stuck-in-well stories lately.
So, my favorite restaurant on the planet is a Pakistanti hold-in-the-wall called Lahore Karahi. I love the place. The owner and waiter are like my family -- Guddu and Abdul (according to Steve, there are only 3 people in Abdul's caste who have college degrees, 2 of whom have the same name). I also lived with a wonderful Bengali family who became my surrogate family for a while. I have made many South Asian cabbies very excited to meet me. And, once after a South Asian play, I was out with some desis and after a few hours talking to an Indian woman she was shocked to find out I wasn't Indian. Anywho, because of all of this, I have this weird sense of entitlement when I enter an Indian restaurant that must be insufferable and/or comical. I feel like I know how to measure good Indian food, primarily on the basis of 3 staple things: (1) papadam, (2) rasmalai, (3) tamarind sauce. I would be so weirded out if some random Buddhist (not a JewBu) were to think they were the expert on Jewish delis.
This glass reference reminds me of a dream I had when I was a high school freshman. I was in a huge drinking glass filled with water and the water slowly drained out. Then, I was stuck at the bottom of the glass with no way out. Screaming. I am not sure if there was some metaphor or if that was around the time that that girl was stuck in that well. There haven't been any good kid-stuck-in-well stories lately.
So, my favorite restaurant on the planet is a Pakistanti hold-in-the-wall called Lahore Karahi. I love the place. The owner and waiter are like my family -- Guddu and Abdul (according to Steve, there are only 3 people in Abdul's caste who have college degrees, 2 of whom have the same name). I also lived with a wonderful Bengali family who became my surrogate family for a while. I have made many South Asian cabbies very excited to meet me. And, once after a South Asian play, I was out with some desis and after a few hours talking to an Indian woman she was shocked to find out I wasn't Indian. Anywho, because of all of this, I have this weird sense of entitlement when I enter an Indian restaurant that must be insufferable and/or comical. I feel like I know how to measure good Indian food, primarily on the basis of 3 staple things: (1) papadam, (2) rasmalai, (3) tamarind sauce. I would be so weirded out if some random Buddhist (not a JewBu) were to think they were the expert on Jewish delis.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Age-Obsessed Microgeneration
Something during our socialization made my microgeneration obsessed with age. Maybe it is some subliminal message in Rainbow Brite or My Buddy commercials? I just notice that when I have conversation with my contemporaries (the one closest in age to me being Jennifer Love Hewitt), we are always more interested in talking about our exact age in relation to people older and younger than us.
Whatever the case, I am starting to realize that I am not young anymore; OK, OK I am still in my 20's, so I am young-ish - but I am not young, as in, a kid. I was reading a Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (which was authored by my new roommate's brother) and read the passage about where Dave the protagonist sleeps with a 29-year old and is intially scared of seeing her weathered naked flesh, and I realized that not that long ago, I thought that way too (well not that graphically). I remember when I started law school, I was so proud of myself for relating for 27 year olds. Now I see 22 year olds as children and 50-somethings as peers (sort of).
Sometimes when I go to the bus stop or when I'm riding the bus I try to guess the age of the riders. And, then I freak myself out when I realize that someone I view as an adult may be my age. I also freak out when I ask someone to guess my age and they guess 32 or something. I also look at my old friends and though I see them the same, when I look closer (both figuratively and literally), I realize that we aren't like we used to. We're more motivated by investments returns over social change (even if we're not Republican) -- at least more than we thought we'd be. We have a few wrinkles. We're the age that some of our professors were. Well, the hot professors, which is good.
Do we always just think of ourselves as kids? Maybe I think about this more because I haven't followed the traditional marriage/kids path. I was thinking about that too - in a conversation with Steph - I pointed out the anthropological reason for having kids is to give life metrics for success and to give ourselves something to live vicariously through. Like, how do I measure concretely success... is it just through career advancement? Is this vicarious success what drives my mother? Is it why she wants me to make more money and have kids -- because it's a metric for her?
I guess I am cool with measuring my success through hedons, rather than dollar signs; for now...
Whatever the case, I am starting to realize that I am not young anymore; OK, OK I am still in my 20's, so I am young-ish - but I am not young, as in, a kid. I was reading a Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (which was authored by my new roommate's brother) and read the passage about where Dave the protagonist sleeps with a 29-year old and is intially scared of seeing her weathered naked flesh, and I realized that not that long ago, I thought that way too (well not that graphically). I remember when I started law school, I was so proud of myself for relating for 27 year olds. Now I see 22 year olds as children and 50-somethings as peers (sort of).
Sometimes when I go to the bus stop or when I'm riding the bus I try to guess the age of the riders. And, then I freak myself out when I realize that someone I view as an adult may be my age. I also freak out when I ask someone to guess my age and they guess 32 or something. I also look at my old friends and though I see them the same, when I look closer (both figuratively and literally), I realize that we aren't like we used to. We're more motivated by investments returns over social change (even if we're not Republican) -- at least more than we thought we'd be. We have a few wrinkles. We're the age that some of our professors were. Well, the hot professors, which is good.
Do we always just think of ourselves as kids? Maybe I think about this more because I haven't followed the traditional marriage/kids path. I was thinking about that too - in a conversation with Steph - I pointed out the anthropological reason for having kids is to give life metrics for success and to give ourselves something to live vicariously through. Like, how do I measure concretely success... is it just through career advancement? Is this vicarious success what drives my mother? Is it why she wants me to make more money and have kids -- because it's a metric for her?
I guess I am cool with measuring my success through hedons, rather than dollar signs; for now...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Hypomanic?
I think self-diagnosis is generally annoying, but I think I am hypomanic.
Here is a simple definition:
Here is a simple definition:
People with hypomania are generally perceived as being energetic, euphoric, overflowing with new ideas, and sometimes highly confident and charismatic, and unlike full-blown mania, they are sufficiently capable of coherent thought and action to participate in everyday activities. One in the state of hypomania might be immune to fear and doubt and have little social inhibition. They may talk to strangers easily, offer solutions to problems, and find pleasure in small activities.
John Gartner's The Hypomanic Edge (Simon and Schuster) contends that notable "Americans" including Christopher Columbus, Alexander Hamilton, Andrew Carnegie, Louis B Mayer, and Craig Venter (who mapped the human genome) owe their innovativeness and drive, as well as their eccentricities, to hypomanic temperaments.Love and Marriage
I had an interesting discussion tonight about love and relationships. My friend was concerned that she at almost 30 has not been in one - at least a substantive one. I told her that if she truly wanted to be in a relationship, she could be in one with SOMEONE (we all have that option), but implicitly she is not ready to settle. I actually believe what I said. So many people I know are in relationships more because they want to be in a relationship than because they are with the right person. I guess it's for us to decide if it's better to fly solo or be with just somebody, anybody.
We also discussed the concept of marriage. She asked if I believed that marriage was necessary to consummate a relationship or if partnership was enough. I said I believed marriage should be taken more seriously, but is too often a farce. With that said, I would probably get married to a partner for the benefits (tax, visitation, etc.) it confers, if that relationship had no foreseeable end point.
The same friend (Steph) and I had a discussion about friends; she pointed out that she has so few of them. She pointed out that I have many. However, how one defines a friend is the most important thing. I keep loose ties with lots of people; mainly because I am wanderlusty, and secondly, because I am curious about what people are up to. As we are getting older I am realizing that all relationships have ebbs and flows. The most important thing is being OK with not seeing someone for a while, and feeling comfort when you see them again after a gap. Also, making an effort to see someone when they are near is a good way of gauging friendship. For example, I hadn't seen my friend Steph in well over 5 years, but we reconnected today and it felt normal and great. Moreover, she was here for the Unity March. We worked hard logistically to connect and she extended her stay so we could really catch up!
Another thing we discussed tonight was my dad. A lot of people have been reaching out again, which is nice. When he was in hospice I was constantly touching his face and hair and realize that I had never done that before, which is really sad. I think it's sad in general that we as humans create barriers to touching one another.
I don't know why but that makes me think of this, but it's odd that we oftentimes treat animals more humanely than people. Why do we pet dogs so freely? Is it because they have no alterior (sexual) motive. Generally, we make such weird allowances we make for dogs to invade our personal space. Why do people allow dogs to lick the inside of their mouths (YUCK), but won't share a can of Coke with their friend, or caress them?
Another thing we discussed at dinner were the ways in which I am conservative. My friend Mike thought I was a libertarian, which shocked me. But, I am conservative insofar as I don't recycle (though I am for it), I drive SUVs when I drive (though I don't own a car, and don't support the purchase of same), and I am slightly taxophobic (I support government programs in general, but don't enjoy actually paying out for same). I also reap the benefits of gentrification. And I love meat. I felt brave, but purged, revealing my hypocritical flaws.
UConn Law just announced a new, underwhelming dean.
Lately I have gotten really into Japanese humor. All of these youtube videos showing Japanese images are just hilarious. Look at the one with the gameshow ladies heads dodging komodo dragons, or the one which is a hybrid of work-out and self-defense video.
Bought my tix to Austin today - so far Thorben and Sarah are in. Hopefully there will be many takers.
We also discussed the concept of marriage. She asked if I believed that marriage was necessary to consummate a relationship or if partnership was enough. I said I believed marriage should be taken more seriously, but is too often a farce. With that said, I would probably get married to a partner for the benefits (tax, visitation, etc.) it confers, if that relationship had no foreseeable end point.
The same friend (Steph) and I had a discussion about friends; she pointed out that she has so few of them. She pointed out that I have many. However, how one defines a friend is the most important thing. I keep loose ties with lots of people; mainly because I am wanderlusty, and secondly, because I am curious about what people are up to. As we are getting older I am realizing that all relationships have ebbs and flows. The most important thing is being OK with not seeing someone for a while, and feeling comfort when you see them again after a gap. Also, making an effort to see someone when they are near is a good way of gauging friendship. For example, I hadn't seen my friend Steph in well over 5 years, but we reconnected today and it felt normal and great. Moreover, she was here for the Unity March. We worked hard logistically to connect and she extended her stay so we could really catch up!
Another thing we discussed tonight was my dad. A lot of people have been reaching out again, which is nice. When he was in hospice I was constantly touching his face and hair and realize that I had never done that before, which is really sad. I think it's sad in general that we as humans create barriers to touching one another.
I don't know why but that makes me think of this, but it's odd that we oftentimes treat animals more humanely than people. Why do we pet dogs so freely? Is it because they have no alterior (sexual) motive. Generally, we make such weird allowances we make for dogs to invade our personal space. Why do people allow dogs to lick the inside of their mouths (YUCK), but won't share a can of Coke with their friend, or caress them?
Another thing we discussed at dinner were the ways in which I am conservative. My friend Mike thought I was a libertarian, which shocked me. But, I am conservative insofar as I don't recycle (though I am for it), I drive SUVs when I drive (though I don't own a car, and don't support the purchase of same), and I am slightly taxophobic (I support government programs in general, but don't enjoy actually paying out for same). I also reap the benefits of gentrification. And I love meat. I felt brave, but purged, revealing my hypocritical flaws.
UConn Law just announced a new, underwhelming dean.
Lately I have gotten really into Japanese humor. All of these youtube videos showing Japanese images are just hilarious. Look at the one with the gameshow ladies heads dodging komodo dragons, or the one which is a hybrid of work-out and self-defense video.
Bought my tix to Austin today - so far Thorben and Sarah are in. Hopefully there will be many takers.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Karma
People are so flaky. After a 2-month search, and waiting for another month, and passing up dozens of qualified individuals in the process, I hired an Assistant Director who I thought was fantastic. I bent over backwards to accommodate her - even setting up a sublet for her with my friend. She was supposed to start on Monday, but waited until yesterday to drop the ball and bail. Very uncool. Things like this are good; she was obviously not committed enough to the job and probably would have left quickly anyway. It's probably karma for the time I accepted the position with the Center for Capital Litigation, which I stood up for a judicial externship in Chicago, which proved to be the most boring job I ever had. (Not the most miserable -- being carry-out boy who couldn't accept tips at Macy's, which violated labor law policy was the most miserable, but not boring).
I am on a mission to cook more, which I did last night - yay for my underused panini maker.
What's up with human nature? My colleague bought me one of those sporty headbands. It was a nice yellow (well GW calls it "buff") GW one. Well, I went to Baja Fresh the other day (and illegally ordered a kid's meal). I left my nifty headband there and went back to retrieve it (it was snowing outside). Lo and behold, when I approached the counterlady she said - oh yeah - I saw someone throw it away. Now I don't know if I should hate Baja Fresh, or continue to screw them over by exploiting their kids meals. I just want to mention right now that I think kids meals are the best, in terms of value and variety.
This morning was a blustery cold hell.
I have been in too many meetings.
I am on a mission to cook more, which I did last night - yay for my underused panini maker.
What's up with human nature? My colleague bought me one of those sporty headbands. It was a nice yellow (well GW calls it "buff") GW one. Well, I went to Baja Fresh the other day (and illegally ordered a kid's meal). I left my nifty headband there and went back to retrieve it (it was snowing outside). Lo and behold, when I approached the counterlady she said - oh yeah - I saw someone throw it away. Now I don't know if I should hate Baja Fresh, or continue to screw them over by exploiting their kids meals. I just want to mention right now that I think kids meals are the best, in terms of value and variety.
This morning was a blustery cold hell.
I have been in too many meetings.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
In with the New
I love resisting technology. I was like that with Ipods, and Excel, and switching to myspace. Makes me feel "old school", like Flashdance. Anyway, I am going to try to blog on here. I had been delinquent on the friendster format, which I suspect is because friendster is lame. Blogspot is hot, and I like reading blogspot stuff more, so I'm taking the plunge. Yippie!
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