Hate to Like

I am the kind of person who elicits strong feelings from people. Some people instantly dislike me. Others are very drawn to me. What weirds me out more than anything are people who are neutral; they interest me more than people who dislike me. Where this plays out more than anything is when I am interviewing job candidates. Some people cancel their phone screening after we talk on the phone; you can tell I've turned them off. Others call incessantly and plead that they'd love to work with me.

Some of the strongest friendships I've had derived from people who instantly didn't like me. I have this co-worker who literally made my life Hell when I started. He was just catty and totally trying to undermine me. After being thoroughly hazed, he decided that I grew on him like a fine wine (which he literally said tonight). Now we are all good. One interesting element of this is that his reaction towards me totally shaped my reaction toward him. I mean, I never tried to screw him over, but now that he's been nice to me, I totally see him differently and somehow forget how he mistreated me for such a long time.

One of my favorite co-workers left today after 14 years at the university where I work - a wonderful Republican hunter who took me to the Urgent Care center when I sprained my ankle, drove me home when I was still hobbling, and bought me coffee and donuts after my dad passed away. Today, when his work was done (after a pleasant lunch) he slipped out discretely without saying goodbye. I am sure that he is really sad and this is a huge transition. There was some controversy over the way that he left, however, I completely understand. I hate the fake pleasantries of a work "goodbye." Leaving work is almost like breaking up with the attendant pride/vulnerability quotient. Think about it; how often do former colleagues actually stop by to visit? Work friendships are real but are rooted in work. It is a rare exception that they ripen into something that is sustainable beyond work because the one who leaves (generally) inherently feels superior in some life choice that they've made.