Psychoanalyze yourself. Answer the following questions with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read which each answer means.
1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. With who?
Andrea or Steve
2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
A little froggy
3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
He looks at me for a moment and hops away into the darkness
4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house.
Describe it.
A large brownstone with big windows.
5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
No.
6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see the dining room table. What do you see on AND around it?
On it: Lots of Asian and Indian and Cuban food.
Around it: A mix of old friends and close family - my mom, dad, sister, niece, and nephew.
7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
A big Macalester hot chocolate mug.
8. What do you do with the cup?
Wash it and put it on the drying rack.
9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it?
A moving brook with lots of little pebbles.
10. How will you cross the water?
I will hop over the connecting rocks.
Meanings:
1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.
2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.
3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.
4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.
5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.
6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.
7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.
8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude.
9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Vulnerable
Last week sort of sucked. Besides two friends' parents becoming ill (one who's father is a dear friend of mine), and my heat not working, I had a strange pain in my groin, which I convinced myself was cancer (of the Tom Green variety). So, I called my insurance and they assigned me to a PCP. When I arrived at the office, I saw the sign "Women's Health Specialist" next to my doc's name. I went in anyway. Turns out I have an inoperable inguinal hernia, which is much better than cancer. This led me to a couple realizations:
#1 that I'm getting increasingly less invincible with age (which also means that I need to exercise), and
#2 that I'm incredibly private about these things (I didn't share the situation with anybody until I checked out OK); and in the bigger picture, I value vulnerability in others, when I am only selectively vulnerable.
So, I am older. 28 to be exact. This takes me away from legitimately claiming myself in my mid-20's. In a lot of ways it's the perfect age; I am taken seriously in a professional context (no longer Doogie Howser the Alumni Director), and I am still young enough to be considered "fun" by college kids. My biggest problem with aging is not age itself, but the fact that I can't jump through a time portal and be 22 again. I just can't believe I am going to lose my 20's so soon. Another problem is that everybody at work guessed I was turning 30 or 31. I am not sure where I get my old-looking genes because my mom and dad look(ed) incredibly young for their respective ages.
Last night I had a birthday party at my apartment, which was incredibly fun and well-attended despite frigid temperatures outside. (which includes my song obsession of the week - "Remind Me" from the GEICO commercial.) At about 8 pm, when only 7 people were here, my never-before-seen, silver-haired, 70+ year old next door neighbor came by to tell us to be quiet (which reminded me of Len in CT, and our hotel neighbors at the Utah Marriott, Petey). Anyway, we partied until 3:15 in the morning without a hitch. Though I was supremely stressed about the neighbor, the greatest thing about the party was circulating around and reconnecting with people who I hadn't seen in months. It gives a context for future scheming. Until they have babies.
My friend Skyler pointed out the feel of the party was markedly different from a college party. There were 60+ but it never got out of control. There were lots of couples, many were married (though none had kids). People brought good wine and premium vodka; I served Lambic peche. Nobody vomited. A lot of our conversations centered around big life decisions -- kids, career, location, spirituality, relationships. I spoke gleefully about mutual funds (yay for Vanguard's International Value!), and debated with a statistician about equating standardized tests. Let me mention - it wasn't sedate - there was a great energy and lots of smiles and laughter; i.e., I had a blast. But, my contemporaries, we have evolved. And, it's OK. It's actually great.
Well, one discouraging thing that I noticed is the tendency for people to start becoming hermity at this age. I know a lot of people who are well-intentioned with a very social past who just opt to stay at home -- because it's regimen. I also notice people are a lot more likely to flake, as I have mentioned before; this is probably because we live much more siloed livess. Alarmingly, Sarah pointed out to me, and my current roommate's behavior corroborates, that single men over 40 basically go home every night, watch TV, do work on their laptop and drink hard liquor, often alone. I don't want to do that; but maybe when I am doing it it won't be so bad.
Something that my PCP told me in light of my hernia and aging is that I need to exercise more. She said that my metabolism is not going to get any better. And, as I age I can start to develop chronic problems due to my lack of substantive exercise (not including walking). My family has been bugging me about this for years, which has justified my resistance -- to now. I just need to bite the bullet and do it. I just don't know where to start. Men's Health Magazine? I have hired Akeisha, to harass me to do this. I also need to force myself to eat healthier! The sad thing is that I totally know how to eat healthy, it's just a matter of attention span and discipline.
So at the party more than one person came up to me and said the common thread about my guests was that everyone was nice. I like that. I usually say that the common thread of my friends -- the primary attractor -- is vulnerability. Something that Jen pointed out to me is that I am only selectively vulnerable, which is true. It is a major double standard. I have a great skill, which has grown out of my stream of consciousness/ADHDness, to change conversations when I don't like where they are going. And, I can't stand to be psychoanalyzed - unless I determine the scope/set the parameters.
With that said, I can't believe I didn't tell anybody about my fear. I apologize to myself for that.
#1 that I'm getting increasingly less invincible with age (which also means that I need to exercise), and
#2 that I'm incredibly private about these things (I didn't share the situation with anybody until I checked out OK); and in the bigger picture, I value vulnerability in others, when I am only selectively vulnerable.
So, I am older. 28 to be exact. This takes me away from legitimately claiming myself in my mid-20's. In a lot of ways it's the perfect age; I am taken seriously in a professional context (no longer Doogie Howser the Alumni Director), and I am still young enough to be considered "fun" by college kids. My biggest problem with aging is not age itself, but the fact that I can't jump through a time portal and be 22 again. I just can't believe I am going to lose my 20's so soon. Another problem is that everybody at work guessed I was turning 30 or 31. I am not sure where I get my old-looking genes because my mom and dad look(ed) incredibly young for their respective ages.
Last night I had a birthday party at my apartment, which was incredibly fun and well-attended despite frigid temperatures outside. (which includes my song obsession of the week - "Remind Me" from the GEICO commercial.) At about 8 pm, when only 7 people were here, my never-before-seen, silver-haired, 70+ year old next door neighbor came by to tell us to be quiet (which reminded me of Len in CT, and our hotel neighbors at the Utah Marriott, Petey). Anyway, we partied until 3:15 in the morning without a hitch. Though I was supremely stressed about the neighbor, the greatest thing about the party was circulating around and reconnecting with people who I hadn't seen in months. It gives a context for future scheming. Until they have babies.
My friend Skyler pointed out the feel of the party was markedly different from a college party. There were 60+ but it never got out of control. There were lots of couples, many were married (though none had kids). People brought good wine and premium vodka; I served Lambic peche. Nobody vomited. A lot of our conversations centered around big life decisions -- kids, career, location, spirituality, relationships. I spoke gleefully about mutual funds (yay for Vanguard's International Value!), and debated with a statistician about equating standardized tests. Let me mention - it wasn't sedate - there was a great energy and lots of smiles and laughter; i.e., I had a blast. But, my contemporaries, we have evolved. And, it's OK. It's actually great.
Well, one discouraging thing that I noticed is the tendency for people to start becoming hermity at this age. I know a lot of people who are well-intentioned with a very social past who just opt to stay at home -- because it's regimen. I also notice people are a lot more likely to flake, as I have mentioned before; this is probably because we live much more siloed livess. Alarmingly, Sarah pointed out to me, and my current roommate's behavior corroborates, that single men over 40 basically go home every night, watch TV, do work on their laptop and drink hard liquor, often alone. I don't want to do that; but maybe when I am doing it it won't be so bad.
Something that my PCP told me in light of my hernia and aging is that I need to exercise more. She said that my metabolism is not going to get any better. And, as I age I can start to develop chronic problems due to my lack of substantive exercise (not including walking). My family has been bugging me about this for years, which has justified my resistance -- to now. I just need to bite the bullet and do it. I just don't know where to start. Men's Health Magazine? I have hired Akeisha, to harass me to do this. I also need to force myself to eat healthier! The sad thing is that I totally know how to eat healthy, it's just a matter of attention span and discipline.
So at the party more than one person came up to me and said the common thread about my guests was that everyone was nice. I like that. I usually say that the common thread of my friends -- the primary attractor -- is vulnerability. Something that Jen pointed out to me is that I am only selectively vulnerable, which is true. It is a major double standard. I have a great skill, which has grown out of my stream of consciousness/ADHDness, to change conversations when I don't like where they are going. And, I can't stand to be psychoanalyzed - unless I determine the scope/set the parameters.
With that said, I can't believe I didn't tell anybody about my fear. I apologize to myself for that.
Friday, February 16, 2007
B-day
Today is my birthday. I share it with Kim Jung Il and Sonny Bono. I like that. I also like sharing my ethnic mix with Geraldo and David Blaine.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Homeless
Today when I walked up to Alumni House I saw two older homeless men sitting on the stoop. I acknowledged them and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. In the fridge there are boxes of leftover Papa John's pizza that are about to be tossed. I thought - why don't I offer the pizza to the homeless people on the stoop? I asked the secretary what she thought and she said sure - unless it will attract them back. That seemed like a thoroughly reasonable rationale to me for about 20 seconds, until I came to the realization that these are human beings. I would rather they eat and bother me for food than suffer. Anywho, I handed the the pizza (selecting the veggie one) and they were so thankful. I can't believe I even considered not giving it to them. How thoroughly un-Macalester of me! Should I go down and offer them another pie?
In other news, I am having a birthday party tomorrow. I bought a new Ipod which I populated with a "Party Mix". I was pleased with the finished product save for the fact that it runs 16 hours long. Oops. Road trip to Jacksonville!
In other news, I am having a birthday party tomorrow. I bought a new Ipod which I populated with a "Party Mix". I was pleased with the finished product save for the fact that it runs 16 hours long. Oops. Road trip to Jacksonville!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Old Friends
After numerous bouts of phone tag and a little harassment on my part, I just spoke with a friend from law school and it made me feel really good. This is because:
(1) Reconnecting with old friends with layers of [literal and figurative] distance is like hugging your snuggly childhood teddy bear, or tasting your grandma's secret recipe collard greens (if only my grandma made collard greens).
(2) This particular buddy bear's/old friend's life had progressed so much, and seemed so destined for greatness, that it made me beam with happiness. Birmingham (my favorite professor in law school who I should write to) would posit that we have shared utilities.
I need to do that more often.
(1) Reconnecting with old friends with layers of [literal and figurative] distance is like hugging your snuggly childhood teddy bear, or tasting your grandma's secret recipe collard greens (if only my grandma made collard greens).
(2) This particular buddy bear's/old friend's life had progressed so much, and seemed so destined for greatness, that it made me beam with happiness. Birmingham (my favorite professor in law school who I should write to) would posit that we have shared utilities.
I need to do that more often.
Dash
Today one of my colleagues provided a pearl of wisdom.
When somebody dies people seem to focus a lot on the year of birth and the year of death. However, all that really matters is the dash.
Make the dash count!
When somebody dies people seem to focus a lot on the year of birth and the year of death. However, all that really matters is the dash.
Make the dash count!
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Good Weekend
I had a great weekend. I was riding on the Metro on Thursday and realized that despite my hesitation, D.C. is starting to feel like home.
Thursday, I saw Cara, my liberal female counterpart from law school who was here for a conference. We enjoyed tapas and good catch-up conversation.
Friday night I did two happy hours with Sarah - one at a Belgian beer pub - Bireria Paradiso, and then one with she and my colleagues at the Capital Grille. We sipped on Stoli Dolis (pineapple-infused vodka) and ate a fancy Delmonico steak and I loved every morsel. One of the guys there (a friend of my colleague's) is a Republican. It's amazing how much less contempt I have for Republicans than I did when I was in undergrad. He was a super nice guy and a regular at this place, and we weren't charged for any drinks and were given free dessert. It was a gluttonous event.
Saturday I slept in and went looking for apartments with my friend Susie. We looked all around Northern VA. One place in Crystal City (also known as "Crystal Shitty") pissed me off. It was about $260K for a 200 square foot efficiency overlooking a power plant reminiscent of Homer Simpson's place of employment. In the evening, I went with Jen to see Balkan gypsy performers in Takoma Park, which totally reminded me of Berkeley. It felt nice. Went out for late-night grub with the performers in Clarendon.
Sunday (today), had brunch with my mentor from San Francisco and had an INCREDIBLE fondue party at Sarah's. We had beer/cheese, meat (shrimp, sirloin, etc.), and dessert fondues and a homemade Italian cream cake. It, again, was quite gluttonous. Being at Sarah's was so much fun -- people kept on stopping by and it felt really comfortable.
Worlds colliding-wise, three big coincidences:
(1) Susan (the one I shopped for real estate with) is sharing an office with one of Vanessa's (one of my closest friends) closest friends.
(2) Susan and I checked out my colleague's (the one who I share an office with) apartment by complete coincidence.
(3) I went to middle school with my colleague's college roommate, who is a producer for Ali G. Unfortunately I don't forget people.
Thursday, I saw Cara, my liberal female counterpart from law school who was here for a conference. We enjoyed tapas and good catch-up conversation.
Friday night I did two happy hours with Sarah - one at a Belgian beer pub - Bireria Paradiso, and then one with she and my colleagues at the Capital Grille. We sipped on Stoli Dolis (pineapple-infused vodka) and ate a fancy Delmonico steak and I loved every morsel. One of the guys there (a friend of my colleague's) is a Republican. It's amazing how much less contempt I have for Republicans than I did when I was in undergrad. He was a super nice guy and a regular at this place, and we weren't charged for any drinks and were given free dessert. It was a gluttonous event.
Saturday I slept in and went looking for apartments with my friend Susie. We looked all around Northern VA. One place in Crystal City (also known as "Crystal Shitty") pissed me off. It was about $260K for a 200 square foot efficiency overlooking a power plant reminiscent of Homer Simpson's place of employment. In the evening, I went with Jen to see Balkan gypsy performers in Takoma Park, which totally reminded me of Berkeley. It felt nice. Went out for late-night grub with the performers in Clarendon.
Sunday (today), had brunch with my mentor from San Francisco and had an INCREDIBLE fondue party at Sarah's. We had beer/cheese, meat (shrimp, sirloin, etc.), and dessert fondues and a homemade Italian cream cake. It, again, was quite gluttonous. Being at Sarah's was so much fun -- people kept on stopping by and it felt really comfortable.
Worlds colliding-wise, three big coincidences:
(1) Susan (the one I shopped for real estate with) is sharing an office with one of Vanessa's (one of my closest friends) closest friends.
(2) Susan and I checked out my colleague's (the one who I share an office with) apartment by complete coincidence.
(3) I went to middle school with my colleague's college roommate, who is a producer for Ali G. Unfortunately I don't forget people.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
A Music Person
The other night one of my good friends dodged a "squirrel nut zipper" concert (or some name like that) to hang out with me. I didn't know who they were and she accused me of, in general, not being a music person. Though I still love this person, her accusation totally offends me.
What does it mean to be a "music person"? Is it based on how many CD's you own, how much trivia you know, or how many concerts you've been to in the last 6 months?
I posit that -- frustratingly -- a lot of white people especially have this notion that if you are white and don't listen to Brit pop or some obscure indie band or classic rock - then you can't be a "music person" and are not as good as them. They make PC exclusions for non-whites who listen exclusively to ethnic music of their background.
I am here to say that I am a music person. I love music. It drives my moods and decisions. I listen to lots of music. I listen to lots of different kinds of music, spanning from Nick Drake to Toto to Nine Inch Nails to Neil Young to Robin Thicke to India Aire to Rufus Wainwright to Elliott Smith to Lisa Loeb to George Michael. And, I am proud of what I like. And, I am not about to criticize anyone because they don't like or know any particular band.
I also sing. Singing has been an extremely important part of my life.
I am a music person because I love music and I can't live without it (unless I were deaf).
What does it mean to be a "music person"? Is it based on how many CD's you own, how much trivia you know, or how many concerts you've been to in the last 6 months?
I posit that -- frustratingly -- a lot of white people especially have this notion that if you are white and don't listen to Brit pop or some obscure indie band or classic rock - then you can't be a "music person" and are not as good as them. They make PC exclusions for non-whites who listen exclusively to ethnic music of their background.
I am here to say that I am a music person. I love music. It drives my moods and decisions. I listen to lots of music. I listen to lots of different kinds of music, spanning from Nick Drake to Toto to Nine Inch Nails to Neil Young to Robin Thicke to India Aire to Rufus Wainwright to Elliott Smith to Lisa Loeb to George Michael. And, I am proud of what I like. And, I am not about to criticize anyone because they don't like or know any particular band.
I also sing. Singing has been an extremely important part of my life.
I am a music person because I love music and I can't live without it (unless I were deaf).
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Pisco
I like working for a big organization where I have lots of colleagues.
Whenever I go to Bertucci's for lunch (I know it's an evil chain, but they do have good bread) I inevitably bump into a host of friendly faces who I am genuinely happy to see. Today I was taken out to lunch with someone from the multicultural center. I like him, but he keeps telling me how minorities think -- basically through the lens of afrocentrism, i.e. minorities value personal relationships over logic and value cultural symbols. I find this perspective essentialist. I also think afrocentrism does not account for a multitude of other oppressed peoples' perspectives (i.e. Native Americans, Southeast Asians). I also think this is an affront to people of color who do not think in the ways he tells me they do. Am I not Puerto Rican because I rely on statistics and metrics in making decisions? It's almost as bad as Biden's statements as far as I am concerned.
Anyway, today I drank some pisco sours with my colleagues after work and they were yummy. We then attended a performance by this guy who pretends to be Mark Twain. I was trying to curb my ADHD, but ultimately it was too dreadfully boring and I needed to scoot. I wish it were Ali G up there.
Whenever I go to Bertucci's for lunch (I know it's an evil chain, but they do have good bread) I inevitably bump into a host of friendly faces who I am genuinely happy to see. Today I was taken out to lunch with someone from the multicultural center. I like him, but he keeps telling me how minorities think -- basically through the lens of afrocentrism, i.e. minorities value personal relationships over logic and value cultural symbols. I find this perspective essentialist. I also think afrocentrism does not account for a multitude of other oppressed peoples' perspectives (i.e. Native Americans, Southeast Asians). I also think this is an affront to people of color who do not think in the ways he tells me they do. Am I not Puerto Rican because I rely on statistics and metrics in making decisions? It's almost as bad as Biden's statements as far as I am concerned.
Anyway, today I drank some pisco sours with my colleagues after work and they were yummy. We then attended a performance by this guy who pretends to be Mark Twain. I was trying to curb my ADHD, but ultimately it was too dreadfully boring and I needed to scoot. I wish it were Ali G up there.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Simple things
Here are some little updates:
- I hired a new Assistant Director and she is WONDERFUL. I am so elated! Lord knows I need the help.
- Tonight I had a wonderful night. Mike (who I found out is joining for Austin -- which totally surprised/excited me), Jen, Sarah and I did a sushi happy hour at Cafe Asia, saw a free comedy competition at GW (the funniest joke involved bobble heads and Parkinson's disease), went up to the student union to play cheap bowling (one of D.C's best kept secrets)/singing Lionel Richie, and got free coke, ate homemade brownies, and walked home in the powdery snow. It was a night full of the simple things with four interesting, different people.
- Notably, I think we all felt a little bit old hanging out at a college - but it was also great doing it together!
- I hired a new Assistant Director and she is WONDERFUL. I am so elated! Lord knows I need the help.
- Tonight I had a wonderful night. Mike (who I found out is joining for Austin -- which totally surprised/excited me), Jen, Sarah and I did a sushi happy hour at Cafe Asia, saw a free comedy competition at GW (the funniest joke involved bobble heads and Parkinson's disease), went up to the student union to play cheap bowling (one of D.C's best kept secrets)/singing Lionel Richie, and got free coke, ate homemade brownies, and walked home in the powdery snow. It was a night full of the simple things with four interesting, different people.
- Notably, I think we all felt a little bit old hanging out at a college - but it was also great doing it together!
Monday, February 5, 2007
Photos
Tonight I compiled a photo album; a real one - not one on snapfish.
To be honest, I am resistent to digital cameras on a few grounds. My main beef is that the instant gratification of having a picture turn out immediately leads people to take and erase pictures over and over again until they get the perfect picture. As a result, people become more obsessed with getting a good picture than they are with engaging in their surroundings. Oftentimes before people take in the scene (or in lieu of it) they are snapping away.
Another beef is based on my experience tonight. I have had many pictures of my dad (from his wife), laying around loosely, getting bent out of shape. So, I did what I haven't done since I got back from South Africa and bought a real life album - the kind with an adhesive back and a thin plastic veil. It was so therapeutic and rewarding to arrange an album and memorialize my dad -- and our relationship -- in such a tangible way. It will be so much better to share with people when they come to my place. Especially seeing the old black and whites and polaroid pictures, was a very moving experience.
Remarkably, some of my favorites of these pictures are candids that are not the most attractive images of me or my family members; definitely pictures I (or they) would have erased were I (or they) to have had the "luxury" of an instant retake. I guess sometimes the past isn't pretty... until the future. Or something.
Caveat: OK, I admit that this blog wouldn't be nearly as relevant without the attached pictures. So, digi cameras can't be all bad.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
100K
It's interesting how points-of-reference change.
We were talking about how much Vanna White must make - and my friend guessed 100K and I was like hell no - she must make 300-500K. (How much do you think Vanna White makes? Whatever it is, she looks very good for her agel she will be 50 on February 18.)
Then, last night I was at a party and we got to talking about health care policy and this girl is like, "doctors make 100K - so they should be more responsible with their patients..." And, I was thinking "whatever doctor only makes 100K and is not a Doctors Without Borders type of doctor is probably not someone you want to see."
In both cases, when I heard 100K I was thinking that's not that much money. I mean, I don't make quite 100K, but it doesn't seem very unattainable. I have many good friends making twice that amount.
When I was growing up, my mom was a teacher. She had lots of degrees and seniority, so she made an especially good living for a teacher. I remember being really impressed with my mom's 70K-ish salary, and now I'm in awe by how she paid for everything (a Lexus, my private school, camp, etc. - this is not to say that she made responsible monetary decisions.) Even accounting for inflation, her money went far.
I also remember legitimately liking Tony Roma's, Outback, Macaroni Grille, and other chains (including Denny's) as my favorite restaurants. I still go to these places for novelty purposes (actually I haven't been to any of these restaurants in at least 2 years or more, except for the Chili's in the airport and the Friday's for a happy hour). Anyway, I don't take these restaurants seriously and probably wouldn't unless I lived in suburban Ohio.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
SF Flashback
Tonight Sarah cooked up a Mexican feast and warm brownies with homemade whipped cream and we watched Grey's Anatomy. Afterwards, I caught a cab (due to lethargy) and in the back seat, lo and behold, was a deaf transvestite prostitute. There was a traditional-looking Indian woman in the passenger seat who told me "the man is deaf" (meaning the prostitute). So, naturally, I thought this was the transvestite's interpreter. But, it turns out she was the cab driver's wife. For some reason, I get along with cab drivers. And, during the ride, we debriefed on the tranny.
Earlier today, I spotted what seemed to be a homeless man in the alumni house. It weirded me out, so I consulted with the secretary who gave me a historical summary. Apparently this strange man occasionally comes into the house stating he is an alumnus, which is verified by the alumni directory with a Boston address (though he refuses to show photo ID). He does, however, present checks for hundreds of dollars that don't bounce. He is a strange man who mumbles, rather than talks, and who almost had a physical altercation with my friend, the employee who left. Today, he came by, sat in the waiting room without acknowledging the secretary, read an entire newspaper, and left.
These oddball experiences totally remind me of my former life in SF. However, when they happen here, they throw me off a bit more... Khaki used to weird me out when I was in SF, but now I wear it.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Hate to Like
I am the kind of person who elicits strong feelings from people. Some people instantly dislike me. Others are very drawn to me. What weirds me out more than anything are people who are neutral; they interest me more than people who dislike me. Where this plays out more than anything is when I am interviewing job candidates. Some people cancel their phone screening after we talk on the phone; you can tell I've turned them off. Others call incessantly and plead that they'd love to work with me.
Some of the strongest friendships I've had derived from people who instantly didn't like me. I have this co-worker who literally made my life Hell when I started. He was just catty and totally trying to undermine me. After being thoroughly hazed, he decided that I grew on him like a fine wine (which he literally said tonight). Now we are all good. One interesting element of this is that his reaction towards me totally shaped my reaction toward him. I mean, I never tried to screw him over, but now that he's been nice to me, I totally see him differently and somehow forget how he mistreated me for such a long time.
One of my favorite co-workers left today after 14 years at the university where I work - a wonderful Republican hunter who took me to the Urgent Care center when I sprained my ankle, drove me home when I was still hobbling, and bought me coffee and donuts after my dad passed away. Today, when his work was done (after a pleasant lunch) he slipped out discretely without saying goodbye. I am sure that he is really sad and this is a huge transition. There was some controversy over the way that he left, however, I completely understand. I hate the fake pleasantries of a work "goodbye." Leaving work is almost like breaking up with the attendant pride/vulnerability quotient. Think about it; how often do former colleagues actually stop by to visit? Work friendships are real but are rooted in work. It is a rare exception that they ripen into something that is sustainable beyond work because the one who leaves (generally) inherently feels superior in some life choice that they've made.
Some of the strongest friendships I've had derived from people who instantly didn't like me. I have this co-worker who literally made my life Hell when I started. He was just catty and totally trying to undermine me. After being thoroughly hazed, he decided that I grew on him like a fine wine (which he literally said tonight). Now we are all good. One interesting element of this is that his reaction towards me totally shaped my reaction toward him. I mean, I never tried to screw him over, but now that he's been nice to me, I totally see him differently and somehow forget how he mistreated me for such a long time.
One of my favorite co-workers left today after 14 years at the university where I work - a wonderful Republican hunter who took me to the Urgent Care center when I sprained my ankle, drove me home when I was still hobbling, and bought me coffee and donuts after my dad passed away. Today, when his work was done (after a pleasant lunch) he slipped out discretely without saying goodbye. I am sure that he is really sad and this is a huge transition. There was some controversy over the way that he left, however, I completely understand. I hate the fake pleasantries of a work "goodbye." Leaving work is almost like breaking up with the attendant pride/vulnerability quotient. Think about it; how often do former colleagues actually stop by to visit? Work friendships are real but are rooted in work. It is a rare exception that they ripen into something that is sustainable beyond work because the one who leaves (generally) inherently feels superior in some life choice that they've made.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Crazy Japanese Komodo Dragon Game
This is a prime example of Japanese humor that I cannot get over. In this game, young women put their heads through a hole waiting for a vicious komodo dragon to attack them. Whoever keeps their head through the hole the longest wins. Move over Fear Factor; what transpires can only be analogized to Armageddon.
Colors
Does it ever drive you crazy to think about how few colors there are? I mean there are variations/modified versions of colors like powder blue and kelly green, but basically there are like 10 colors. Sometimes I try to envision what another color would look like, other than those that exist, and it makes my head spin. It just feels so constraining, as if the Earth were encrusted in glass.
This glass reference reminds me of a dream I had when I was a high school freshman. I was in a huge drinking glass filled with water and the water slowly drained out. Then, I was stuck at the bottom of the glass with no way out. Screaming. I am not sure if there was some metaphor or if that was around the time that that girl was stuck in that well. There haven't been any good kid-stuck-in-well stories lately.
So, my favorite restaurant on the planet is a Pakistanti hold-in-the-wall called Lahore Karahi. I love the place. The owner and waiter are like my family -- Guddu and Abdul (according to Steve, there are only 3 people in Abdul's caste who have college degrees, 2 of whom have the same name). I also lived with a wonderful Bengali family who became my surrogate family for a while. I have made many South Asian cabbies very excited to meet me. And, once after a South Asian play, I was out with some desis and after a few hours talking to an Indian woman she was shocked to find out I wasn't Indian. Anywho, because of all of this, I have this weird sense of entitlement when I enter an Indian restaurant that must be insufferable and/or comical. I feel like I know how to measure good Indian food, primarily on the basis of 3 staple things: (1) papadam, (2) rasmalai, (3) tamarind sauce. I would be so weirded out if some random Buddhist (not a JewBu) were to think they were the expert on Jewish delis.
This glass reference reminds me of a dream I had when I was a high school freshman. I was in a huge drinking glass filled with water and the water slowly drained out. Then, I was stuck at the bottom of the glass with no way out. Screaming. I am not sure if there was some metaphor or if that was around the time that that girl was stuck in that well. There haven't been any good kid-stuck-in-well stories lately.
So, my favorite restaurant on the planet is a Pakistanti hold-in-the-wall called Lahore Karahi. I love the place. The owner and waiter are like my family -- Guddu and Abdul (according to Steve, there are only 3 people in Abdul's caste who have college degrees, 2 of whom have the same name). I also lived with a wonderful Bengali family who became my surrogate family for a while. I have made many South Asian cabbies very excited to meet me. And, once after a South Asian play, I was out with some desis and after a few hours talking to an Indian woman she was shocked to find out I wasn't Indian. Anywho, because of all of this, I have this weird sense of entitlement when I enter an Indian restaurant that must be insufferable and/or comical. I feel like I know how to measure good Indian food, primarily on the basis of 3 staple things: (1) papadam, (2) rasmalai, (3) tamarind sauce. I would be so weirded out if some random Buddhist (not a JewBu) were to think they were the expert on Jewish delis.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Age-Obsessed Microgeneration
Something during our socialization made my microgeneration obsessed with age. Maybe it is some subliminal message in Rainbow Brite or My Buddy commercials? I just notice that when I have conversation with my contemporaries (the one closest in age to me being Jennifer Love Hewitt), we are always more interested in talking about our exact age in relation to people older and younger than us.
Whatever the case, I am starting to realize that I am not young anymore; OK, OK I am still in my 20's, so I am young-ish - but I am not young, as in, a kid. I was reading a Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (which was authored by my new roommate's brother) and read the passage about where Dave the protagonist sleeps with a 29-year old and is intially scared of seeing her weathered naked flesh, and I realized that not that long ago, I thought that way too (well not that graphically). I remember when I started law school, I was so proud of myself for relating for 27 year olds. Now I see 22 year olds as children and 50-somethings as peers (sort of).
Sometimes when I go to the bus stop or when I'm riding the bus I try to guess the age of the riders. And, then I freak myself out when I realize that someone I view as an adult may be my age. I also freak out when I ask someone to guess my age and they guess 32 or something. I also look at my old friends and though I see them the same, when I look closer (both figuratively and literally), I realize that we aren't like we used to. We're more motivated by investments returns over social change (even if we're not Republican) -- at least more than we thought we'd be. We have a few wrinkles. We're the age that some of our professors were. Well, the hot professors, which is good.
Do we always just think of ourselves as kids? Maybe I think about this more because I haven't followed the traditional marriage/kids path. I was thinking about that too - in a conversation with Steph - I pointed out the anthropological reason for having kids is to give life metrics for success and to give ourselves something to live vicariously through. Like, how do I measure concretely success... is it just through career advancement? Is this vicarious success what drives my mother? Is it why she wants me to make more money and have kids -- because it's a metric for her?
I guess I am cool with measuring my success through hedons, rather than dollar signs; for now...
Whatever the case, I am starting to realize that I am not young anymore; OK, OK I am still in my 20's, so I am young-ish - but I am not young, as in, a kid. I was reading a Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (which was authored by my new roommate's brother) and read the passage about where Dave the protagonist sleeps with a 29-year old and is intially scared of seeing her weathered naked flesh, and I realized that not that long ago, I thought that way too (well not that graphically). I remember when I started law school, I was so proud of myself for relating for 27 year olds. Now I see 22 year olds as children and 50-somethings as peers (sort of).
Sometimes when I go to the bus stop or when I'm riding the bus I try to guess the age of the riders. And, then I freak myself out when I realize that someone I view as an adult may be my age. I also freak out when I ask someone to guess my age and they guess 32 or something. I also look at my old friends and though I see them the same, when I look closer (both figuratively and literally), I realize that we aren't like we used to. We're more motivated by investments returns over social change (even if we're not Republican) -- at least more than we thought we'd be. We have a few wrinkles. We're the age that some of our professors were. Well, the hot professors, which is good.
Do we always just think of ourselves as kids? Maybe I think about this more because I haven't followed the traditional marriage/kids path. I was thinking about that too - in a conversation with Steph - I pointed out the anthropological reason for having kids is to give life metrics for success and to give ourselves something to live vicariously through. Like, how do I measure concretely success... is it just through career advancement? Is this vicarious success what drives my mother? Is it why she wants me to make more money and have kids -- because it's a metric for her?
I guess I am cool with measuring my success through hedons, rather than dollar signs; for now...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Hypomanic?
I think self-diagnosis is generally annoying, but I think I am hypomanic.
Here is a simple definition:
Here is a simple definition:
People with hypomania are generally perceived as being energetic, euphoric, overflowing with new ideas, and sometimes highly confident and charismatic, and unlike full-blown mania, they are sufficiently capable of coherent thought and action to participate in everyday activities. One in the state of hypomania might be immune to fear and doubt and have little social inhibition. They may talk to strangers easily, offer solutions to problems, and find pleasure in small activities.
John Gartner's The Hypomanic Edge (Simon and Schuster) contends that notable "Americans" including Christopher Columbus, Alexander Hamilton, Andrew Carnegie, Louis B Mayer, and Craig Venter (who mapped the human genome) owe their innovativeness and drive, as well as their eccentricities, to hypomanic temperaments.Love and Marriage
I had an interesting discussion tonight about love and relationships. My friend was concerned that she at almost 30 has not been in one - at least a substantive one. I told her that if she truly wanted to be in a relationship, she could be in one with SOMEONE (we all have that option), but implicitly she is not ready to settle. I actually believe what I said. So many people I know are in relationships more because they want to be in a relationship than because they are with the right person. I guess it's for us to decide if it's better to fly solo or be with just somebody, anybody.
We also discussed the concept of marriage. She asked if I believed that marriage was necessary to consummate a relationship or if partnership was enough. I said I believed marriage should be taken more seriously, but is too often a farce. With that said, I would probably get married to a partner for the benefits (tax, visitation, etc.) it confers, if that relationship had no foreseeable end point.
The same friend (Steph) and I had a discussion about friends; she pointed out that she has so few of them. She pointed out that I have many. However, how one defines a friend is the most important thing. I keep loose ties with lots of people; mainly because I am wanderlusty, and secondly, because I am curious about what people are up to. As we are getting older I am realizing that all relationships have ebbs and flows. The most important thing is being OK with not seeing someone for a while, and feeling comfort when you see them again after a gap. Also, making an effort to see someone when they are near is a good way of gauging friendship. For example, I hadn't seen my friend Steph in well over 5 years, but we reconnected today and it felt normal and great. Moreover, she was here for the Unity March. We worked hard logistically to connect and she extended her stay so we could really catch up!
Another thing we discussed tonight was my dad. A lot of people have been reaching out again, which is nice. When he was in hospice I was constantly touching his face and hair and realize that I had never done that before, which is really sad. I think it's sad in general that we as humans create barriers to touching one another.
I don't know why but that makes me think of this, but it's odd that we oftentimes treat animals more humanely than people. Why do we pet dogs so freely? Is it because they have no alterior (sexual) motive. Generally, we make such weird allowances we make for dogs to invade our personal space. Why do people allow dogs to lick the inside of their mouths (YUCK), but won't share a can of Coke with their friend, or caress them?
Another thing we discussed at dinner were the ways in which I am conservative. My friend Mike thought I was a libertarian, which shocked me. But, I am conservative insofar as I don't recycle (though I am for it), I drive SUVs when I drive (though I don't own a car, and don't support the purchase of same), and I am slightly taxophobic (I support government programs in general, but don't enjoy actually paying out for same). I also reap the benefits of gentrification. And I love meat. I felt brave, but purged, revealing my hypocritical flaws.
UConn Law just announced a new, underwhelming dean.
Lately I have gotten really into Japanese humor. All of these youtube videos showing Japanese images are just hilarious. Look at the one with the gameshow ladies heads dodging komodo dragons, or the one which is a hybrid of work-out and self-defense video.
Bought my tix to Austin today - so far Thorben and Sarah are in. Hopefully there will be many takers.
We also discussed the concept of marriage. She asked if I believed that marriage was necessary to consummate a relationship or if partnership was enough. I said I believed marriage should be taken more seriously, but is too often a farce. With that said, I would probably get married to a partner for the benefits (tax, visitation, etc.) it confers, if that relationship had no foreseeable end point.
The same friend (Steph) and I had a discussion about friends; she pointed out that she has so few of them. She pointed out that I have many. However, how one defines a friend is the most important thing. I keep loose ties with lots of people; mainly because I am wanderlusty, and secondly, because I am curious about what people are up to. As we are getting older I am realizing that all relationships have ebbs and flows. The most important thing is being OK with not seeing someone for a while, and feeling comfort when you see them again after a gap. Also, making an effort to see someone when they are near is a good way of gauging friendship. For example, I hadn't seen my friend Steph in well over 5 years, but we reconnected today and it felt normal and great. Moreover, she was here for the Unity March. We worked hard logistically to connect and she extended her stay so we could really catch up!
Another thing we discussed tonight was my dad. A lot of people have been reaching out again, which is nice. When he was in hospice I was constantly touching his face and hair and realize that I had never done that before, which is really sad. I think it's sad in general that we as humans create barriers to touching one another.
I don't know why but that makes me think of this, but it's odd that we oftentimes treat animals more humanely than people. Why do we pet dogs so freely? Is it because they have no alterior (sexual) motive. Generally, we make such weird allowances we make for dogs to invade our personal space. Why do people allow dogs to lick the inside of their mouths (YUCK), but won't share a can of Coke with their friend, or caress them?
Another thing we discussed at dinner were the ways in which I am conservative. My friend Mike thought I was a libertarian, which shocked me. But, I am conservative insofar as I don't recycle (though I am for it), I drive SUVs when I drive (though I don't own a car, and don't support the purchase of same), and I am slightly taxophobic (I support government programs in general, but don't enjoy actually paying out for same). I also reap the benefits of gentrification. And I love meat. I felt brave, but purged, revealing my hypocritical flaws.
UConn Law just announced a new, underwhelming dean.
Lately I have gotten really into Japanese humor. All of these youtube videos showing Japanese images are just hilarious. Look at the one with the gameshow ladies heads dodging komodo dragons, or the one which is a hybrid of work-out and self-defense video.
Bought my tix to Austin today - so far Thorben and Sarah are in. Hopefully there will be many takers.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Karma
People are so flaky. After a 2-month search, and waiting for another month, and passing up dozens of qualified individuals in the process, I hired an Assistant Director who I thought was fantastic. I bent over backwards to accommodate her - even setting up a sublet for her with my friend. She was supposed to start on Monday, but waited until yesterday to drop the ball and bail. Very uncool. Things like this are good; she was obviously not committed enough to the job and probably would have left quickly anyway. It's probably karma for the time I accepted the position with the Center for Capital Litigation, which I stood up for a judicial externship in Chicago, which proved to be the most boring job I ever had. (Not the most miserable -- being carry-out boy who couldn't accept tips at Macy's, which violated labor law policy was the most miserable, but not boring).
I am on a mission to cook more, which I did last night - yay for my underused panini maker.
What's up with human nature? My colleague bought me one of those sporty headbands. It was a nice yellow (well GW calls it "buff") GW one. Well, I went to Baja Fresh the other day (and illegally ordered a kid's meal). I left my nifty headband there and went back to retrieve it (it was snowing outside). Lo and behold, when I approached the counterlady she said - oh yeah - I saw someone throw it away. Now I don't know if I should hate Baja Fresh, or continue to screw them over by exploiting their kids meals. I just want to mention right now that I think kids meals are the best, in terms of value and variety.
This morning was a blustery cold hell.
I have been in too many meetings.
I am on a mission to cook more, which I did last night - yay for my underused panini maker.
What's up with human nature? My colleague bought me one of those sporty headbands. It was a nice yellow (well GW calls it "buff") GW one. Well, I went to Baja Fresh the other day (and illegally ordered a kid's meal). I left my nifty headband there and went back to retrieve it (it was snowing outside). Lo and behold, when I approached the counterlady she said - oh yeah - I saw someone throw it away. Now I don't know if I should hate Baja Fresh, or continue to screw them over by exploiting their kids meals. I just want to mention right now that I think kids meals are the best, in terms of value and variety.
This morning was a blustery cold hell.
I have been in too many meetings.
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